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» Guilt, tag; elihu/myself
Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 12 2014, 07:58 PM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Eli, for his part, seemed to have settled in all right for such a huge change. Sooner or later, Sebastian would start bringing him around with him from district to district. Show him around the place. There were definitely some areas that the guy might like to see, at least, even if there weren't exactly a ton of places.

They had managed to get him some clothes that worked at least. Nothing that made him stand out, but at least things that fit him just fine.

For all intents and purposes, he should have been happy. His friend, if that was what he really chose to call Elihu, had been settled in just fine.

But, still, something ate away at him, like the slow, devouring burn that some kinds of alcohol might give him.

As much as he didn't want to name it, he knew what it was too.

Guilt.

Was what he was doing too forward? Maddox had been his friend and he had run forth to buy another human being as... as... a replacement? No, Sebastian knew that this was not the case. He was not trying to replace the boy, but he couldn't help but feel that that was how this was seen. He could not help but feel that he had committed some kind of wrong, and yet was absolutely sure that he had not.

So just as any other time he was confused, he went down to the basement and started practicing archery. He saw the dark spatters of blood in his mind and ignored them. He was used to this now - to being a murderer willing to kill again for the right reasons and at the right time. This was perhaps one of the easier things to adjust in his mind, which was maybe why archery was the best thing for sorting his mind.

All he needed to do was pull the bow string and release.

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 12 2014, 08:39 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Elihu missed the Capitol. There was a certain ambience to District Ten that he had gotten accustomed to by now. He liked it - the quiet and the peacefulness of some of the areas, even if this house was sometimes very not-quiet and not-peaceful. He shouldn't have been surprised about that, though, when Sebastian had told him how many people actually lived here. Still, the culture shock had been huge, especially since almost anything he might have been told about any of the lower districts had been dead wrong.

Something in the back of his mind squirmed, but he ignored it.

Xander had been right.

The patient, paranoid and pessimistic though he was, had been right about a lot of things. But it was not like he could do anything for it now as an avox in Ten.

Xander, he realized, was probably dead. He was lucky if made into an avox.

This thought was distant, however, and he felt himself searching for something to do that would take himself off of what was going on. Running and books could only distract the mind so much.

Sebastian, though, was a decent distraction, especially when he realized that he'd been gone for quite some time. He'd checked most of the house before finally venturing into the basement, thinking that perhaps... the man had mentioned something about practicing archery down there sometimes.

So he stumbled down the steps and inside, faltering entirely at what he saw.

There were some weapons here. This was not what shocked him. This was a family that included both a Victor and a Champion. It was rather, how very much Sebastian seemed distracted. No, not just distracted. He was practically on another planet as he kept firing arrows.

Eli coughed into the back of his hand roughly, forcefully to alert the man to his presence. He wasn't sure he liked Sebastian being in another world while wielding the weapon he had been known to kill people with.
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Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 12 2014, 09:12 PM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Sebastian paused in the middle of notching what might have been yet another arrow - he was probably somewhere in the two hundreds now. He had lost count at around ninety.

He turned and paused as he assessed the man standing there. He looked, at least now, more like a normal person than a wide-eyed, vaguely overwhelmed guy from clearly somewhere else. Sebastian could not bring himself to smile, not really. The best he could manage was a little tug on one end of his lips and a nod.

"You found me even if I did not include this in the tour." He had not wanted to shock the man with the weapons stockpile they had. He knew that this would be found sooner or later by Eli and was, at least in part, glad that he had been the one here when it was found. The only thing was that there was something odd... Eli did not seem to be looking at the room, but very much directly at him - or down, to the ground.

He wondered what that could mean.

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 12 2014, 09:53 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Eli mentally shook himself, realizing that what he was doing was probably rather odd, shocked as he was by the fact that he was seeing Sebastian standing with bow and arrows at his disposal and showing rather clearly that he wasn't still alive for lack of (rather impressive) skill.

He rolled his eyes and laughed a bit freely - for the first time, he realized, in awhile.

He shuffled in his pockets and produced the notepad and pen. He scrawled on it as neatly as he could.

Are you ok?

He held it out to the man, hoping he would understand that this was not a useless question that he expected a 'yes, I'm totally fine' answer that one might get from passing a vague acquaintance on the street. He wanted a real one, but somehow he expected Sebastian was of the admirable intelligence enough to know this too.
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Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 13 2014, 11:35 AM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Sebastian faltered some, putting the arrow back into the quiver. Talking to Eli about anything had been surprisingly uplifting for him in the Capitol. It felt good to have someone to talk to, even if the reason he trusted him was because it would be hard for him to just randomly say such secrets. But he hadn't really had anything that pertained directly to Eli either, so that was a definite... difference.

"No. I'm not fine." He finally admitted as he moved to sit up on top of one of the tables against the wall, putting his quiver and bow on one side of him.

At least there was one thing he could rely on: Eli wouldn't have asked that question unless he wanted an honest answer. Who would if they had to go to the trouble of writing it to ask it?

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 05:13 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Elihu waited patiently as Sebastian seemed to be weighing something in his mind deliberately. He knew not to pressure people into speaking - that often had a reverse affect of making them not want to speak, which was about the last thing he wanted about now if he wanted to figure out why Sebastian was feeling bad enough to... shut off like this, it seemed.

He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side, watching Sebastian. He moved slowly to sit down next to him on the table, his legs dangling a little off the edge because of how he pressed his back against the wall. He held the notepad and his pen in his hands, ready to be used if he needed it... But the man had understood him usually when he communicated with his facial features and gestures well enough that it was not always needed in the Capitol. This should be no different.
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Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 05:41 PM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Sebastian paused as he considered the man's gesture.

"I kind of... I feel like I did something wrong by... by... bringing you here after Madd..." He faltered a little, not wanting to voice out loud Madd's death. His death had been real. He had seen the corpse before even the boy's parents had in the morgue. He had watched him die in real time on the television on the tenth floor of the training center. The boy was dead.

But that didn't make it any easier to say it this soon . It would take time to say it - to confirm his failure - to confirm the simple reality that his very friendship might be the darkness that had not just killed Maddox, but would perhaps yet kill others.

"I feel like I'm betraying him, somehow, even if..." Maddox would not have cared before, he thought. Maddox, if anything, would have probably been quite curious about Eli himself, although Sebastian knew that he probably wouldn't have felt the need to buy him if Madd had survived. Maybe that was why Sebastian was so sure that he was using Eli as a replacement friend, which almost sounded as bad as the word 'servant' on his tongue.

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 06:54 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Eli listened carefully, processing it.

He had been an avox in the training center temporarily until he would be bought. It was a strategic sort of thing for those in the Capitol. Since he was born and raised there, he couldn't be sold to anyone who lived in the Capitol and it had to be someone from the districts that he was placed with. However, while there were countless people who might need avoxes in the Capitol, not nearly as many had them in the districts.

Placing him in the training center had been a move that would have hopefully landed him with an owner like Sebastian. Someone who was, at least typically speaking, a person who lived in the Districts. He had been working there for some months beforehand and had seen how Sebastian acted with most tributes. While he acted as a mentor to all of them, he had not noticed much attachment between any of them other than some favor offered to those that, at least as far as Eli could tell, Sebastian believed could make it farther.

It had been apparent from the start there was something extremely different about Maddox - a friend. He had thought that there could have been something more there too, but Eli never asked this. It had been hard to watch Sebastian become so distraught. While he had not paid much great attention to the avoxes, he was generally kind and thoughtful, never asking for anything outlandish as some others did. It had hurt, in some small way, to see the man like this and he had just wanted to help in the same way that he had wanted to help anyone who seemed so hurt.

But using him as a kind of... distraction for the boy's loss? Eli could understand, perhaps, why Sebastian felt that way, but did not think that this was the case. He wasn't sure how much his words would matter, but he could try. He owed Sebastian that much for doing such a good job of taking him in.

Would Maddox have seen this as a slight if he was alive? He wrote as quickly as he could, wishing that he could have just said this. It would have been quicker.
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Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 06:57 PM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Sebastian paused as he read the piece of notepad that Eli used and shook his head.

"No, I don't think so. He would have been rather curious about you, but he was kind of... curious about everything." Maddox had been a friendly kid, at least. More friendly, anyway, than Orsino had been. Not that Orsino had not been nice - just that he was less open and more awkward around people. Madd had been too - but in the more bumbling sense of it than in the kind that kept his mouth shut in big crowds.

"He would have tried to be your friend." He said with some confidence, knowing in some part for this to be true. Or else, he reasoned, probably fascinated with how talkative Eli was without really being able to speak at all.

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 07:35 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Eli paused, listening. The way Sebastian spoke sounded pained, but truthful - as if it hurt to think about this kind of thing too much. As if it hurt to think about Madd too much.

Eli could understand this, somehow. It had hurt, too, to think about his own family after he was avoxed and had, for his own safety, decided to treat it as if they were all dead now too... Even if it was not true, it made it easier to bury them in his mind then for them to be perfectly alive and capable of being seen by him in some form.

Would I have agreed to come here if I was just a distraction?

He guessed that could be his purpose here, but he felt more drawn to the man than that. He could not articulate how, really, but this much he knew to be true. He didn't think he would have come either, he realized, if he thought that was just the case here. As much as Sebastian freed him from the binds of actual service, he would not have agreed if he thought that he was just here as a human-sized play toy.
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Sebastian Gates-Kava
 Posted: Feb 14 2014, 07:40 PM
[QUOTE]
100.C Games Champion
239
posts
19 Years
Male
5"8
155 LBS
District Ten
13-April 12 • 270 Moneys

Jimmy


Sebastian watched as Eli had written out this one sentence and could almost feel the defiance radiating from the man - fire-filled and as strong as rock. There was something in his eyes even - in the way his hands moved as he wrote that.

"No, you wouldn't have..." Sebastian said slowly. "I think, anyway." He wasn't sure if what he thought made it any more true, but he supposed this was a point. If Eli had felt that he would just be here as something of a replacement, he would not have agreed to come. Somehow, Sebastian would not have blamed him.

A thought bubbled in his mind and he voiced it out loud without thinking. "Why did you agree to come with me?" He asked, having thought that perhaps this was because it could benefit him somehow, but now thinking... perhaps that first perception was incorrect. He knew the subject was supposed to be him, really, too, but he couldn't help it either.

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Elihu Blackburn
 Posted: Feb 15 2014, 04:08 PM
[QUOTE]
Sebastian's Avox
47
posts
23 Years
Male
6"
150 LBS
District Ten
7-February 14 • 240 Moneys

Jimmy


Eli slowly nodded, an almost sly, knowing smile curling on his lips as he looked at Sebastian. He wanted the man to know how intelligent he believed him to be.

The question didn't give him pause - it was actually ridiculously easy as the answer popped up into his mind without much true thought.

I wanted to help. You look like you need it.

Not that that was a bad thing to look like in Eli's mind. On the contrary, Sebastian didn't look bad at all to him.
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